The Law of Sotir

Sotir's Health Problem

Sotir walked into a pharmacy owned by two sisters. One of them came to the counter and greeted him with a polite smile:

"How can I help you, sir?"

Sotir glanced quickly left and right, and once he was sure there was nobody else in the pharmacy, he worked up the courage to tell her his problem:

"You see, the thing is, lately my sex drive has been much too strong. Even ten times a day isn't enough for me. It bothers me, because I can't think about anything else, non-stop. On top of that, I get these unusually powerful erections. I'm terribly embarrassed to be telling you all this, but I had to come to you. What could you give me for it?"

The pharmacist listened carefully and then said:

"Allow me, sir, to consult with my sister, and together we'll decide what we can give you! I'm sure we'll give you something you'll be satisfied with."

She went into the back room, and a minute or two later she came back to Sotir:

"Well, sir, I've just spoken with my sister, and we've decided we can give you 55 dollars an hour and a 5,000-dollar signing bonus!"

Sotir and the Goldfish

One weekend Sotir decided to go fishing. He didn't have much luck, but after two or three hours of waiting he managed to catch a golden fish. And naturally, like every good golden fish, this one offered to grant him one wish if he would set it free. Without thinking twice, Sotir told the fish:

"Lately I've been scared of flying, and of boats too. So please, build me a bridge from Canada to Europe, so I can drive home to my Macedonia!"

And the fish answered:

"Hmm... Look, Sotir, that's impossible. We're talking about a huge distance, and very deep water, and I really can't do it. I'm not all-powerful, you know. Come on, please, make some other wish!"

Sotir thought about it for a moment and said:

"Well, all right... Then make my Menka Miss Canada!"

"Now that's no problem!" said the fish, and asked for a photo so it could see Menka. Sotir took a picture out of his wallet. The fish looked at it for a long, long time, sank deep into thought, started shaking its head left and right, and finally asked Sotir:

"Look, Sotir, here's the thing... That bridge to Europe: did you want two lanes, or four?"

Oh Sotir, How Long Can This Go On!?

One evening, while they were watching TV, Sotir jumped up and said to Menka:

"Menka, sweetheart, I've got a bad feeling coming over me and I need a little fresh air. I'll take a walk to the mall and be back in 10 or 15 minutes!"

And Menka says: "Oh, Sotir... If I didn't know you, I might even believe you!"

Off went Sotir, straight to the nearest bar, of course, and ordered a beer. While he was drinking it, a girl in a low-cut top and a tight little miniskirt came up to him and said, in a soft, gentle voice:

"Don't mind me coming up to you like this, I know we don't know each other, but I wanted to ask if you'd show me around town! I'm new here, so I'm sure you know how it is...!"

Sotir finished his beer in a hurry, winked at his new acquaintance, and after a short drive through the streets of Toronto they found themselves in a motel room.

A few hours later Sotir comes home, and before he goes in he takes a piece of chalk out of his pocket and rubs it on his palms.

Menka, still up, greets him in an angry voice:

"Go on, then, let's see what lie you come up with this time!"

"Oh, Menka, sweetheart... The most incredible thing happened to me! I went, of course, to the nearest bar and ordered a beer. While I was drinking it, this girl came up to me in a low-cut top and a tight little miniskirt and asked me to show her around town... she was new here, supposedly! And after a short drive we ended up in a motel room!"

And Menka says: "Come on, Sotir, stop talking nonsense and show me your palms!"

Sotir showed her, and Menka hit the roof: "Oh Sotir, you've been bowling again... How long can this go on!?"

Sotir at Niagara Falls

One weekend at Niagara Falls, the big attraction for the crowds of tourists was people jumping over the falls. Brave souls were hard to find for a stunt like that, so the tourists kept looking for ways to talk the ones who were on the fence into doing it.

They started working on an American, and nothing helped, until somebody thought to tell him that the cameras were rolling for TV. At that, the American jumped without a second thought.

Next they went to work on a Frenchman. Among other things, they told him about the TV cameras too, but that didn't help either. Finally someone figured out which trick a Frenchman would fall for, and told him: "Jumping is in fashion right now!"

The moment the Frenchman heard that, he threw himself over the falls.

And then it was our Sotir's turn. The tourists coaxed him, promised him money and all sorts of prizes if he would jump, but nothing worked. They tried the methods that had already been tested, telling him about the TV cameras and about jumping being in fashion, but Sotir told them he didn't care about TV and he didn't care about fashion. In the end they found Sotir's weak spot too: when one of the tourists realized Sotir was Macedonian, he shouted: "Jumping is forbidden here!"

To which Sotir shot back: "Forbidden!? Says who!? Who are you to forbid me???"

And at last he threw himself into the wild waters of Niagara.

Sotir and the European Girl

One evening Sotir went out on the town, and in a bar he met a blonde tourist from Europe. He bought his new 'friend' a drink, then took her to the CN Tower, then showed her the streets of Toronto, then walked her along the lake, and finally they took a room in a motel. Sotir decided to show himself in his very best light, and after her first scream he asked her:

"Are you finish?"

And the European girl answered, briefly, in a trembling voice: "No!"

Sotir didn't want her to leave with bad memories, so he tried even harder to show her what he could do. When, after a while, he felt her shaking again and heard another scream, out came the same question once more: "Are you finish?"

And once more the beautiful European gave the same short answer: "No!"

By now Sotir was starting to panic, but he didn't give up. This time he put in a superhuman effort, and when that moment came, completely exhausted, he asked: "Are you finish?"

The European girl looked at him with a gentle smile, stroked his cheek and answered: "Nooo... I'm Swedish!"

Sotir at the Hotel

At 5 o'clock in the morning, the phone rings at the hotel front desk.

"Hello, front desk?"

"Yes, how can I help you?"

"My name is Sotir, and I wanted to ask if the hotel night bar will be opening soon!"

"No, I'm sorry... It's far too early to open!"

Half an hour later, the phone rings again.

"It's Sotir again. Will you be opening the night bar soon?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Sotir, but that won't be happening any time soon. You'll have to be more patient!"

And half an hour after that, Sotir calls again:

"Hello, front desk... Is the night bar ever going to open?"

This time the clerk answered irritably:

"NO! The night bar doesn't open until the evening, and until then there is no way for you to get into the bar!"

To which Sotir says:

"Oh, please, forgive me... I'm not asking because I want to get into the bar. I want to get OUT!!!"

That Pesky Waiter

One evening Sotir, fed up with life, went to a bar in Brampton. He ordered one drink after another and knocked them back at top speed, and finally, when he raised his hand to the waiter for another round, the waiter came over and said:

"Excuse me, sir, but you'll have to leave. No more drinks for you!"

"But why, waiter? Come on, just one more... what's your problem?"

"No more discussion. Leave the bar right now!"

Sotir went out, weaving left and right, and by pure chance ended up in front of the same bar again. In he goes and orders a drink from the doorway.

"Sir, I told you, you're not getting any more drinks tonight. Look at the state of you!"

Out went Sotir again, but ten minutes later, there he was at the door once more:

"Waiter, come on, pour me something to drink!"

"Sir, you're stone drunk. I'm telling you one more time: no more drinking for you tonight!"

Sotir grabbed his head with both hands and yelled at the waiter:

"For crying out loud, man... how many bars do you work in???"

Until the Business Takes Off

Sotir and his buddy Spase realized that on an ordinary paycheque a man can't afford any luxuries, so they decided to go into business for themselves. They thought about what might bring in good money in a short time, and the choice fell on opening a brothel. A month or two later, their friends started asking our new entrepreneurs how business was going. Spiro, among others, asks Sotir:

"So, Sotir... Is it working out? Is business on the way up?"

"Oooh, it's going great. We're pleasantly surprised how many customers came pouring in right from the start. We're up to our ears in work. We're at it day and night."

"No way!? And how many girls have you hired for the place?"

"Well, see, now... That'll come soon enough... But until the business takes off and we're standing on our own two feet, as they say, Spase and I decided to do all the work OURSELVES!"

Easy for You, Captain!

A few years after Sotir came to Canada, our hero decided to visit his family in Macedonia. On the way back from Skopje, about 15 minutes after takeoff, the captain spoke to the passengers over the PA:

"Dear passengers, this is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard flight 778, our regular service from Skopje to Budapest. We are currently flying at an altitude of 2,800 metres. The outside temperature is minus 15 degrees Celsius. Weather conditions are excellent and the wind is moderate, so we can expect a calm and pleasant flight. I hope that... OH, MY GOD!!!"

A deep silence fell over the plane. After about half a minute of waiting, the captain's voice came on again:

"I'm so sorry if I frightened you, dear passengers, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a coffee, tripped and spilled the hot coffee all over me. You should see the front of my pants!"

At that, Sotir shouted out loud:

"Easy for you, Captain... Come and see the BACK of mine!"

Sotir the Cowboy

Ever since he was a little boy, Sotir had wanted a pair of real cowboy boots. One day he sees a pair in a shop window, exactly the kind he had always dreamed of.

He decided to buy them, walked out of the store wearing his new cowboy boots, and went home happy and proud of himself. He walks in the door and right away asks Menka:

"Notice anything different about me, sweetheart?"

Menka looks him over and answers shortly:

"No!"

Annoyed, Sotir goes into the bedroom, strips naked as the day he was born, and keeps on nothing but his new cowboy boots. Then he asks Menka the same question again:

"Come on now, darling, take another look... Notice anything different?"

Menka looks at him again, shakes her head and says:

"Nothing! What's different? Your 'gun' was hanging down before, and it's hanging down the same now!"

Angry, Sotir starts yelling:

"IT'S NOT HANGING DOWN... IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!"

Menka grabs her head with both hands and yells back at Sotir:

"OH MY GOD, SOTIR! QUICK, GO BUY YOURSELF A HAT!!!"

Menka Takes a Course

Every evening Sotir went out drinking and came home very late. And poor Menka always waited up for him. Well, one evening Sotir comes home, and Menka isn't there. He got all worked up and sat down to wait for her. And there's Menka, coming home at 4 o'clock in the morning. Sotir jumps up and asks her:

"And where have you been, woman?"

"Oh, Sotir, I'm just back from my course. Cocktails!"

"A course!? What course, Menka? A course at this hour!? Cocktails!? And that 'tail' stuck in the middle there, is that just for camouflage?"

"Oh, the 'tail' is camouflage, Sotir... but the 's' on the end is for the plural!"

You've Really Changed!

At one of the Macedonian picnics this summer, Sotir, all excited, walks up to a man who was leaning against his car.

"Kjiro, where have you been, you old so-and-so? So you've come to Canada too? Hey, Kjiro... in Skopje you drove a tiny little tin can, and here I see a nice Chevy, eh? You've changed your whole way of life, I see. And your style of dress has changed too."

The puzzled man tries, without success, to get a word in:

"But, sir...!"

"What do you mean, 'but', Kjiro???" Sotir carries on, slapping the man on the shoulder the whole time. "And what did you call me? Sir? Oh, Kjiro, back in Macedonia you used to call me a 'hick', and here it's 'sir'! But, Kjiro... I have to say, the new haircut suits you better. Then again, you've really let your belly go. Oh, Kjiro, Kjiro. You've completely changed. I hardly recognized you, you've changed so much!"

"But sir, I'm not Kjiro. My name is Blagoja!"

"Oh my God, Kjiro, you poor devil... You've even changed your name!!!"

My Breasts Are Burning, Sotir

Sotir and Menka are celebrating their wedding anniversary. They're sitting in the dining room in the morning, and Sotir says to Menka:

"Menka, I was just thinking about something. We've been married 25 years, right?"

"That's right, darling!"

"25 years we've been sitting together at this same table. Remember how lovely it was when we were young and used to eat breakfast naked?"

"Wait a minute! Slow down! What are you getting at? You want us to take our clothes off?"

"Well, what's the harm, Menka? Let's bring back a few memories!"

So they both stripped and carried on with breakfast, and after a while Menka, in a trembling voice and with a seductive look, remarked:

"You know what I'm feeling, honey? My breasts are burning, just like when we were young."

"Of course they're burning, Menka! Take a look: your left one's in the coffee and your right one's in the scrambled eggs!"

Sotir Isn't Afraid of Pain

Sotir went to the dentist, and before he was even through the door he asked:

"Excuse me, how much do you charge to pull a tooth?"

The dentist answers:

"Well, an extraction is 75 dollars, but I hope you're covered by some kind of insurance!"

"No, I don't have dental insurance. That's why I wanted to ask if there's some way to do it cheaper!?"

"I'm sorry, but that's our rate, and there are no discounts. We have our expenses too, you know. The anesthetic is quite expensive, but it's very effective!"

"Anesthetic!?" Sotir thought it over. "And what about pulling a tooth without anesthetic? Would that be cheaper?"

"Oh, come on!? The pain would be terrible! What do you mean, without anesthetic!?"

"Just like that... How much would it cost to pull the tooth without anesthetic?"

"Hmm! Well, you must be an exceptionally brave man! In that case I'd charge you only 25 dollars. Now, may I have a look at what shape the tooth is in?"

"Of course, doctor!" said Sotir, and turned to Menka:

"Come on, honey, show the doctor the tooth that's been hurting you!"

Sotir at the Brothel

Sotir goes to a brothel in Scarborough, and out of all the girls there he picks a Black girl. Not just any Black girl, either: the best one in the house. She takes him to a room, gets undressed and lies down on the bed. But instead of getting undressed too, Sotir just walks up to her, spreads her legs and starts studying her... first from the left, then from the right... then he leans in for a closer look, then he steps back a bit... And after a while he says to her:

"OK... thanks very much, sweetheart! Tell me how much I owe you and I'll be on my way!"

The girl, confused, asks him:

"What, you're not going to do anything to me!? Don't you like me?"

"Nooo... I'm redoing the bathrooms at home, and I just wanted to see how pink grout looks on black tiles!"

Sotir the Fisherman

Sotir is coming back from the lake with a bag full of fish. The warden catches him and...

"So, fishing out of season, are we?"

"No, no, these are my pets... you know, house pets. Every day I bring them to the lake, let them have a little swim, and then they come back to me all by themselves and I take them home. Every single day!"

"Oh, come on, don't kid me. Who ever heard of tame fish?!"

"Well, let me put them in and you'll see. Want to see for yourself?"

"Go ahead! I don't know why, but I have a feeling you're trying to make a fool out of me."

Sotir let the fish go in the lake and they sat down to wait for them to come back. After half an hour of waiting, the warden asked:

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"So where are your fish?"

"What fish?"

Clever Sotir

Sotir walked into a bank in downtown Toronto and started talking to the loans officer:

"Look, I need a loan of 5,000 dollars. I have to go to Macedonia and you know how it is... presents, this, that...!"

The loans officer replies:

"No problem, sir, but you know how these things work. We need some kind of collateral before we can give you the money."

Sotir agreed, and he handed the officer the keys to his brand-new van, worth $60,000, which was parked right in front of the bank. The bank people checked whatever they had to check and concluded that everything was in order. Sotir got the money he had asked for. The bank manager and all the staff had a good laugh at Sotir's expense: he had left a $60,000 vehicle for a mere $5,000 in cash. Then one of the bank employees drove Sotir's van down into the bank's garage.

Two weeks later Sotir is back from Macedonia. He returns the money, even pays $17.09 in interest, and gets the keys to his van back. The bank manager says to him:

"Thank you very much for banking with us. This transaction went very smoothly. There's just one thing we find odd. In the meantime we checked up on you, and we saw that you have a lot of money in your account. Why would you pay interest when you already have plenty of money of your own? We're a bit puzzled and surprised."

Sotir smiled and said to the manager:

"Well, do you have a better idea where I could park my car in downtown Toronto for two weeks for just $17.09?"

Guardian Angel

Sotir was walking through Toronto, lost in his thoughts, when suddenly a strange voice called out to him 'from somewhere':

"STOP!"

Startled, Sotir stopped dead, and right in front of him a flowerpot came crashing down and smashed to pieces on the sidewalk. Sotir looked around to see who had just saved his head, but there was nobody near him. He walked on, turning over in his mind what had just happened. And just as he started to cross the street, the same voice shouted at him again:

"STOP!"

Sotir stopped again, and a car went flying past right in front of him at a tremendous speed. Once again Sotir saw there was nobody near him, so he decided to ask:

"All right, then, who are you, saving my life twice?"

"Why, I'm your guardian angel!" answered the same voice.

"And how come I can't see you?"

"Well, because I'm very, very tiny. I'm smaller than a millimetre!"

"Then could you stand on my palm, so I can see you?" asked Sotir, holding out his hand. The guardian angel flew down and said:

"Sure... here I am! Can you see me?"

Instead of answering, Sotir slapped his palm hard with his other hand, asking at the same time, boiling with rage:

"And where the hell were you, damn you, when I married Menka???"

Sotir Drunk Again

Driving along the Gardiner, Sotir got pulled over by the police for the umpteenth time. The officer said to him:

"Sir, you were moving rather strangely on the road. Are you drunk?"

"Yes, officer... I'm not just drunk, I'm soaked like a sponge!"

"Then we'll have to do a breathalyzer test, so please blow into this!"

"Why should I blow? You don't believe I'm drunk!?"

"I believe you, sir, but we have to measure the alcohol level in your blood. But let me ask you something else... Do you realize that by driving in the state you're in, you're putting at risk not just your own life, but the lives of everyone else on the road? Including the lady beside you?"

"That's not 'the lady', that's Menka."

"All right, Menka, then... and tell me, does Menka have a driver's licence?"

"She does!"

"Then why didn't you let Menka drive, if you're so drunk?"

"Whaaat??? Let Menka drive??? Officer, I may be drunk, but I'm not stupid!"

Sotir the Beggar

Sotir lost his job and decided to try begging to make ends meet. One day a businessman walked past and tossed Sotir a 50-dollar bill. And from then on, every day, the businessman tossed him another bill just like it. Then one day, walking past Sotir, the businessman tossed him only 5 dollars. Sotir didn't say anything, but when for several days in a row he got only 5 dollars, Sotir decided to ask:

"Listen, my friend, can you tell me why you've started giving me only 5 dollars? Did I offend you somehow? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no... it's just that I have a lot of expenses right now... I'm building a new house!"

Sotir snapped back angrily:

"A new house, eh? Well, bravo! So you're building your house on my dime???"

Sotir Breaks the Sales Record

Sotir went looking for work in Brampton and managed to get hired at Canadian Tire. On his very first day, Sotir rang up a record $150,000 in sales. The manager couldn't believe it, called him into the office and asked him how he'd done it:

"Well, it was like this: a guy came in to buy a fishhook, and while I was at it I sold him a few sinkers too.

"Then I reminded him to get some good line and a good rod, so he could catch the big ones. And since he was buying such quality gear, I suggested he think about a speedboat. Once he'd agreed to the boat, I explained that his old car couldn't tow it, so I sold him a Jeep. And that's how I made $150,000 in sales."

"I really don't get it, Sotir. How did you pull all that off, when the man came in to buy one plain fishhook?"

"No, no, boss, he didn't actually come in for a fishhook. He came in for pads for his wife, so I asked him, since his weekend was ruined anyway, why not go fishing!"

I'm Not Stupid, Menka!

One day, when Sotir came home from work, he banged his fist on the table and said to Menka:

"I'm not stupid, Menka, whatever people say about me here and there! It's just that I don't have time to read the papers, so I can't join in when people get talking. But I've decided, Menka, that I'm going to get into 'that' world too. So starting tomorrow, every morning I want a newspaper beside my bed. The minute I wake up, I want my day to start with the paper."

Menka took on the job without a word of complaint:

"Sure, Sotir... I'll buy you a paper and bring it to you every day!"

And Menka thinks to herself: 'Why should I pay for a paper every day, when I can bring him the same one every day?'

And so it began: every morning Menka brings Sotir the newspaper. And Sotir reads and reads!

And at the end of the first week, Sotir remarked with great satisfaction:

"Oh, Menka, Menka! And they call me stupid!? What about this poor guy... in Brampton some fella crashes his motorbike in the same spot every single day!!! Ha... and I'M supposed to be the stupid one!"

Menka Is Depressed

Sotir and Menka went to the doctor, because Menka had started showing signs of depression. Menka talked with the doctor for almost a whole hour, and then the doctor said to her:

"All right, Menka, now I'd like to ask you to step out into the waiting room for a bit, so I can have a word with Sotir alone."

"Doctor, is there something you don't want to tell me?" Menka asked anxiously.

"No, no... I just want to talk something over with Sotir!"

And so they did. Menka went out, and a puzzled Sotir came into the office and asked:

"What's going on, doctor? Why did you call me in?"

"Well, Sotir, here's the thing... Menka is perfectly fine. Her health is excellent. I'm not even going to prescribe her any medication. The only thing that needs to be done is something that you yourself have to do, and that's why I called you in for a little chat. Sotir, you'll have to help Menka more around the house. You need to take over a big share of the housework. You need to pay Menka a lot more attention. Give her a lot more love. That's all she needs!"

The doctor finished his advice, Sotir thanked him, and he and Menka set off for home. And Menka immediately asked him:

"Sotir, is there something seriously wrong with me that the doctor wanted to hide from me? Please, tell me straight!"

"Menka, you're as fit as a fiddle! There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, but I'll tell you this much: there's no cure for you, Menka!"

Doing Well in Business

Over a game of poker, Sotir and his three friends were telling each other how well their sons were doing.

"My son's business has taken off so well that he just gave one of his friends a brand-new Dodge Caravan."

"My son is doing great in real estate too. He just gave one of his friends a cottage at Wasaga Beach."

"Well, what can I tell you!? My son is doing so well in the stock market that he just gave one of his friends shares worth 100,000 Canadian dollars."

Sotir listened to all this and decided to brag about his own son too:

"Well, my son is a homosexual. He works in some fag bar as a pole dancer. But he must be good in bed too, because he just got a brand-new Dodge Caravan, a cottage at Wasaga Beach and shares worth 100,000 Canadian dollars."

Caught You Lying, Sotir!

One day Sotir was late for work, and his furious boss called him into the office:

"Sotir, you know yourself how much work there is today, and I made a point of telling you all that today of all days I didn't want anyone coming in late. Try giving me one good reason, if you want to avoid being disciplined for this!"

"Well, boss, this may sound unbelievable, but here's what happened... All kinds of bad luck followed me this morning, boss! First, my alarm clock didn't go off, but somehow I woke up on my own. Menka was supposed to drive me to the GO Train this morning. And she was ready in 10 minutes, but the car wouldn't start. We called a taxi, but the crazy driver crashed into a parked bus. So I started running so I wouldn't be late, and then a cop stopped me, just because I looked like some criminal the police were after. Luckily, the cop soon figured out I wasn't the guy, so somehow I managed, fairly quickly, though dripping with sweat from all the running, to make it to the GO Train. But the train had barely left when, after just one minute, it stopped. They announced that some woman had gone into labour on the train. And that's why I was late, boss!"

"Sotir, Sotir... you needn't have gone to all that trouble, because I caught you lying right away, Sotir!"

"But why don't you believe me, boss? What do you think I lied about? Where did you catch me lying?"

"Well, Sotir, I just can't believe Menka was really ready in 10 minutes!"

Who Had the Bigger Ranch?

A guy Sotir worked with was bragging to him about the huge ranch he had in Northern Ontario. Oh, the ranch was like this, and the ranch was like that, close to the highway, you know, and fertile land, and close to the lakes, and so on and so on.

"Ha, Sotir, back in your Macedonia you could only dream of a ranch like that."

Sotir, annoyed, said to him:

"What do you think? I come from Timbuktu? I had a ranch back in Macedonia too, pal. A whole half-acre, I had."

"Heh heh... Well, Sotir, did you know that on my ranch, if I set off from one end by car in the morning, I wouldn't get to the other side until evening?"

"Oh, you poor thing... I know exactly how you feel! I had a car like that too, a real old rust bucket. I barely managed to sell it before I left for Canada."

Sotir and Spase in Cuba

Sotir and Spase went off on holiday to Cuba, just the two of them. After two weeks they came back to their wives, and the very next day they met up to complain to each other:

"Sotir, I tell you, I've figured out that my wife's been cheating on me... with a rooster."

"Come on, quit kidding. A rooster? Where'd you get that from?"

"Well, I found a feather in the bedroom."

"Ah... that's nothing... Menka's cheating on me with a truck. Imagine, I found a trucker in our bed!"

Sotir, Menka and the Genie

Sotir and Menka were playing tennis. Except Menka wasn't much of a player, and she smacked the ball straight through somebody's window. They went over to the house to apologize to the owner. They walk in and see a broken window, a broken vase, and some guy sitting in an armchair.

"We're so sorry for the mess we made..."

"Not at all, I'm grateful to you. You've set me free from the vase I've been stuck in for 200 years. I'm a good genie, and now I'll grant you 3 wishes, as long as the last one can be mine."

"No problem," says Sotir. "I want a million dollars to land in my account every day."

"And I want," says Menka, "a house in every part of Toronto, each one three storeys with a finished basement, a pool and two new vans, and every one of those houses full of maids."

"No problem, your wishes are granted. Now mine, if I may... I'd like a little time with your wife... you know how it is, 200 years locked up... no woman..."

"No problem," Sotir tells him. "You granted our wishes, so go ahead and do that too, if you like!"

The genie 'made love' to Menka for a good two or three hours, and at the end Sotir asks him whether his wish has been granted and whether he's satisfied too.

"Satisfied? You bet, sunshine... as long as there are people who still believe in genies, I'll always be very satisfied!"

Sotir Comes Home Stone Drunk

Sotir woke up with a hangover. When he opened his eyes, he noticed he was in his pyjamas, and on the nightstand beside him there was a glass of lemonade and a thermos of coffee. He opened his eyes a little wider and saw a freshly ironed shirt and pants on the chair by the bed. Sotir got up and walked through the house: everything was tidied up and in its place, and in the kitchen he found a note that said:

"Sweetie... Sotir, darling... I've gone shopping. Your breakfast is in the oven and the paper is on the table."

Just then his son came in, and Sotir, completely stunned, asked him what had happened the night before.

"Well, Dad, you came home around 3 in the morning, stone drunk. You tripped on the stairs and broke the vase, then you tore down the curtain, and at the end you walked head-first into the door, which is why you've got a black eye."

"I see, but then why is everything so tidy, and on top of that, why isn't your mother mad?"

"Well, when Mom dragged you into the bedroom and tried to take your pants off, you told her: 'Leave me alone, pussycat... I'm a married man!'"

Sotir and Menka at the Toronto Zoo

Sotir and Menka went to the Toronto Zoo. They went from cage to cage, enjoying all the different animals. Eventually they came to the gorilla's cage, and Sotir had a crazy idea:

"Menka, go on, show him a little leg, let's see what he does."

Menka lifted her skirt a little, and the gorilla started going wild. Menka got carried away and lifted her skirt even higher, and the gorilla began rattling the bars with all his might. Then Menka showed him her breasts, and the gorilla broke through the bars and started chasing her.

"Sotiiir... help! What do I do?"

"Well... tell him something in your usual style... like you've got a headache!"

Before It Starts

Sotir came home from work, sank into his armchair and called out to Menka:

"Menka, darling, bring me a beer before it starts!"

Menka sighed and brought him a beer. A few minutes later, Sotir called out again:

"Sweetheart, give me another one... before it starts!"

Menka gave him a sharp look and shook her head a few times, but she brought him another beer. A few minutes later Sotir piped up again:

"Menka, honey, I can feel it's going to start soon. Quick, bring me a beer before it starts. It could start any minute now!"

Menka, red in the face with rage by now, let Sotir have it:

"Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Every day it's the same thing. Is that what you're planning to do all day? Drink beer and sit in front of the TV? Shame on you!"

To all this, Sotir made just one short comment:

"There... it's started!"

Sotir Knows When He's Had Enough

One evening Sotir went into a bar and ordered a beer. When he'd finished it, he opened his briefcase, looked inside and said to the bartender:

"Give me another one, brother!"

When he'd finished the second beer too, he opened the briefcase again, looked inside and said to the bartender:

"One more, please!"

He repeated the same routine (opening the briefcase, taking a peek inside and ordering another beer) another ten times or so! And then Sotir looked into his briefcase once more and, to the bartender's surprise, announced:

"THAT'S IT! I don't want to drink any more!"

The bartender, surprised at Sotir's reaction, asked him:

"Why quit all of a sudden!? What did you see in that briefcase?"

"Well, I keep a picture of Menka in there, and the moment Menka starts looking cute to me, that's my sign I've had too much to drink and it's time to stop!"

Sharing the Housework

There was a congress of Macedonian Women in Canada, and during the break Menka was chatting with her friends about how they had managed to get their husbands to do certain chores around the house. One of them bragged:

"I told my Spase it was time he started ironing his own shirts. The first day there was no reaction, the second day the same, but on the third day, would you believe it, Spase ironed his own shirt. And now he does it all the time!"

Spiro's wife had a very similar experience:

"I told Spiro once that he should take care of the grocery shopping. Nothing happened the first day, or the second. But on the third day Spiro went out and spent the whole afternoon shopping for the house."

Finally it was Menka's turn:

"I told my Sotir once that it was high time he started helping around the house, and that he should vacuum and dust regularly. The first day, no reaction, and nothing happened the second day, or the third. Then, somewhere around the fourth day, I could see a little out of my eye again!"

Sotir by 'Ontario Lake'

Sotir was out for a stroll by 'Ontario Lake', for the first time since he had arrived in Canada. Without a word of English, our hero had nothing else to do but pass the time on long walks. On one of these walks, Sotir came across a drowning man who could barely get a word out from the lake:

"Help, heeeelp!!! Please help me... Pleeeease!!! Heeelp!"

Hearing his cries, Sotir reacted in a flash and, without stopping to think, called right back to the drowning man:

"Hey, you rotten dimwit... instead of learning English, you should have learned to swim. You'd be saving your life right now!"

Menka the Snitch

Sotir was driving along the QEW when the police pulled him over. The officer asks Sotir:

"Sir, why were you driving at 130km/h in a place where the speed limit is 100km/h?"

"Couldn't you be mistaken, officer?" asked Sotir. At that, Menka butts in and says to the officer:

"He wasn't doing 130, it was nearly 140km/h... I saw!"

Sotir turns to Menka and says:

"Shut up, you stupid goat!"

The officer then went on to point out that Sotir wasn't wearing his seatbelt, and when Sotir tried to explain that he had only just unbuckled it, Menka chimed in again:

"Don't lie, Sotir, you've been driving like that since we left the house!"

At that, Sotir yelled at the top of his voice:

"Enouuugh, Menkaaa! You bitch, shut up once and for all!"

The officer asks Menka:

"Does your husband always talk to you like this?"

"No!" Menka answered. "Only when he's drunk as a skunk... like now!"

Sotir at Confession

Sotir went to 'St. Clement of Ohrid' church to make his confession.

"Father, I cheated on Menka!"

"And how did that happen, Sotir?"

"Well, Father, Jovka from next door came over for coffee one time when Menka was on the night shift at work, and... what can I tell you... the coffee got a little steamy!"

"Very well, Sotir, my child, you are forgiven!"

"But Father, it didn't end there. The next day Jovka invited me over to her place, and two of her girlfriends were there, and... I did them too, Father. I couldn't help myself!"

"Good grief, Sotir! But... all right... that sin is forgiven too."

"Oh, Father... And that's not all. The sister of one of Jovka's girlfriends called me that same evening and...!"

And finally the priest cut him off:

"Sotir, did you come to this church to confess, or to brag?"

Sotir, Former Hero of Labour

The first job Sotir found when he came to Canada was as a 'lumberjack'. On the first day he cut 10 cubic metres, but that was less than anybody else. Sotir decided to push a little harder the next day, and he managed to get up to almost 15 cubic metres. And again, the least of anyone. And he was the only one who worked without a single break. He couldn't understand how he, once a hero of labour, could be the worst of the lot, so he turned to one of his Canadian co-workers: "How come you're better than me?"

"Well, I get up at 6!"

"I get up at 6 too!"

"Yes, but I have breakfast and head straight off to work!"

"So do I!"

"And when I get to work, I start up the saw right away and get cutting!"

"Whaaat!? You START the saw!? You mean these saws we've been working with have a motor!?"

Generous Sotir

Sotir was getting ready for work, and Menka was fussing around him, saying:

"Sotir, imagine, honey, I dreamed that today when you come home from work, you're going to give me a whole set of 'J'adore' cosmetics. What does that dream mean, Sotir?"

"Hmmm, well, be patient until I get back from work and you'll see what that dream means."

That afternoon Sotir comes home, and a happy Menka is waiting for him at the door. Sotir hands her a wrapped present and says:

"In here, Menka, you'll find the answer to your question: what your dream meant."

Menka, all impatient, quickly rips off the wrapping paper and finds inside a book titled 'What Your Dreams Mean'.

Wow, What a Weekend!

Sotir took his girlfriend on the side to a fancy jewellery store and asks the salesman:

"Excuse me, do you have something exclusive to offer the lady who is with me?"

"Of course!" The courteous salesman takes a box out of a drawer and proudly opens it, informing Sotir that the ring inside costs $4,900. Sotir is immediately outraged.

"Please, I don't think I made myself clear. I'm looking for something exclusive and one of a kind, not some cheap trinket."

The salesman immediately opens the safe and takes out a diamond necklace.

"This, sir, is handcrafted with first-class diamonds, and it costs 75 thousand dollars."

"Fine... I'll take it! Since it's the weekend now, call my bank on Monday morning, withdraw the money, and only then send the necklace to my home address."

On Monday the salesman phones Sotir:

"You crook, the bank told me you haven't got a single cent in there!"

And Sotir answers:

"Listen, buddy... it's true I haven't got a cent, but if you only knew what a weekend I had with that little babe!"

The Magic Little Room

When Sotir and his son first came to Toronto, they went to a shopping mall and were amazed by everything they saw, but the strangest thing of all was a pair of silver doors in a wall that opened and closed all by themselves.

"Dad, what are these funny doors?" the boy asked.

"No idea!" answered Sotir, who was seeing an elevator for the first time in his life. Just then a fat old woman came along, pressed one of the buttons, and a few seconds later she stepped through one of those doors into the little room inside, and the door closed behind her. The big surprise came a minute later, when the same door opened again and out of that same little room stepped a slim, attractive young girl. In a flash Sotir thought of what Menka looks like, and of the magic power of the wonder he had just seen, and he yelled to his son:

"Go get your mother over here, right now! RUN!!!"

Food, Sex and Money

Sotir and Spase are sitting in a restaurant, shooting the breeze.

"Oooh, Spase, you won't believe it!"

"What is it, Sotir?"

"Just imagine, Spase, I've been told there's this magical place in Scarborough. You can eat and drink as much as you want, then have sex like crazy, a few times over. And at the end, when you leave, they even give you 100 dollars, just to say bye-bye!"

"Get out of here, what are you saying!? Who's been to a place like that? Who told you about it?"

"Menka... my Menka... She was there just yesterday!"